Where I Am Without You

by Corinne Caraway

Where I Am Without You


And I think about you 
when October starts burning 
a hole in me with an unexpected chill. 

Back when we went head to head
with our hard won common sense 
just to run the risk of never speaking again. 

Put it all out on the table, 
a thousand promises between strangers;
I wasn’t anyone to you until I was.

Caught losing track of finite hours 
when November rolled around 
to pull us out past where our feet could reach. 

Only we didn’t account for our avoiding 
of how there would never be enough of you 
to go around for all my little fears. 

Ended up missing you before you left, 
couldn’t bear the threat of bitterness 
growing over all the ways I said your name. 

So when you finally proved me right,
and I told you it was fine, we pretended 
we weren’t lying through our teeth. 

But how do you think about me now? 
And who are you when no one’s watching?
Do you think they’d get along like we used to?

Turns out it’s always cold this time of year 
where I am without you. 

---

xoxo,

Corinne