Rounding the Reservoir
by Maddie DePuy
Rounding the Reservoir
One time, I made a vow while running. Not always a bright idea, to let cortisol and dopamine do all the talking when it comes to permanent commitment. Although, I think sometimes we need our chemicals and their effortless leaps ahead of logic. It was during my first year in New York, on an early September run, that I vowed, or prayed, or some combination of the two as my heart leapt skyward.
There is a spot near the Jackie O’ Reservoir path in Central Park where, going due west, on your left side gleams an inarguable view of the Midtown skyline. The first ten times I ran this route, I felt that surge of something, call it New York’s “energy,” magic, what have you, the thing that your friend or daughter or sister might say that inevitably confirms you’ve lost her to the Big Apple (for at least two years). However unfledged, I felt it. And I vow-prayed to never grow familiar with that view, to let it always take my breath away.
There have been times I’ve rounded the reservoir, simmering with grief so delicate that if another uptown girl in her Hokas bumped me, something black might have spilled out. There are times I’ve run that bend glimmering from a first date or a text back. There are times I’ve run it contemplating, holding so many possibilities in my hands that I couldn’t reach up to press “skip” on my AirPods. There are times I’ve rounded it dissociated, or devastated, annoyed, or confident, or laughing to myself, or wishing I could liquefy into the sunset. But no matter how I feel, I always remember the vow.
There’s something about a vow we make in secret, in the soft chamber of our own minds. There is spectacle and beauty to public vows, without which a wedding ceremony would just be rings and wishes and effort. But this kind, this internal commitment to the plod of wonder, it’s something that’s kept me. Wherever you are today, find something worth vowing to. Say a prayer. Tell no one, and see what majesty and mystery will live on every time you round the bend.
xoxo
Maddie